June 8, 2023
Note to future self about independence
When I fell and broke my right elbow and left wrist four weeks ago, I abruptly lost my ability to do, well, anything with my arms and hands because there are so many muscles that start and end around the wrist and elbow that are collateral damage in the insult to a broken bone. I had no hand strength either, which is taking awhile to return, so I keep giving Larry jars and water bottles to open for me—oh, and child-proof caps 😡 (even though I know how important they are for safety).
I think I’ve come to understand how the someone might feel when they have always been able to take care of themselves and find themselves dependent upon others for help with even simple chores. I’d like to say I didn’t ever get frustrated or grumpy but that wouldn’t be true, and I apologize for anyone who finds themselves impatient in these circumstances. It isn’t that I was unappreciative with Larry for how he was helping me, but that I couldn’t do it myself, my way.
I took this screenshot in 2018 and it has been on my mind since my fall. According to the internet, the quote is from Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Thien Buddhist Monk.
Funny how something happens to you that brings clarity and maybe a preview of the future – is this what aging is like from the viewpoint of an older person? When someone asks my age, that number isn’t real to me because I never thought of it as a limitation. I mean, who cares, I’m active and have so much left I want to do!
Not so, future self, when you eventually lose your independence remember what you want to spill out of your cup to those who help you. Please be grateful, patient and kind because they don’t understand your frustration and that’s not their fault. (Someone please remind me if need be in the future).
My son-in-law asked me if I now had the answer to “would you rather not have arms or not have legs.” I hadn’t thought about it until he asked, and I realized the question really is do you value mobility (having no arms) or independence (having no legs). There is a quote about there being no difference between those who don’t read and those who can’t read. I think you can substitute any action for “read” and appreciate how we take an ability we have for granted. Even with one arm in a cast and the other in a sling, I was still able to do some hikes, go up and down stairs (carefully) and go many of the places I wanted to see. So, yeah, as long has I have my phenomenal spouse to help, I want legs to explore the world!